A new direction...

Accept the things you cannot change. Understanding why helps you learn life’s lessons. There is always someone who has it harder than you. Simple clichés, you can say them to your friends with ease. But in essence it’s a lot harder to grasp those ideals. But life could be worse. At the moment I am my worst enemy. I cannot turn my brain off, constantly running negative thoughts through my mind. I didn’t put them there, but for some strange reason I keep them there. It’s not from one person either. I have never heard these words in a description of me before. They hurt.

Who am I? I’m Luke George Wormald. I’m 28 years old; I live on the Gold Coast. My work is fun, it keeps me outdoors, and it’s occasionally challenging, managing people who don’t want to work there. I enjoy it, it keeps me stimulated, and I work alongside some great people. I’ve made some great friends, best friends, and some people who have a good heart and only wish the best for me. You will always have your ‘Newmans’ in your life, some people who just irritate you, rub you up the wrong way, work against you, and try to take your good nature for granted. I am a good guy, with a good heart, a strong mind. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke and I’ve never taken drugs. These things will stay with me until I die. Why don’t I drink, smoke, and do drugs? Well I tried beer at the age of 13, spat it out and said I would never drink. I don’t look down on people who drink; I don’t care if people drink. You can do whatever you want in life as long as you don’t hurt yourself or others. I would see my siblings come home, they’ve spent $50-$100, they are sick, don’t remember what they did, and they feel like shit the next day. Not something that I wanted to do. I can stay out all night, dance my ass off and have a great night out with good people. I remember some great nights out with people from work. Live bands; hopefully see ‘The Accidents’ at the beer garden. Then onto rose and crown to finish the night off! Dancing with some good friends, talking crap with sneaky, using our own hand signals to communicate with the loud music and just enjoying the night. Then we decide on the finish cue, ten fingers, and it’s time to go home. When I was a kid I tried my mum’s cigarette, coughed so badly for so long, it tasted so very bad, hurt my lungs. Again, another thing not for me. I’m an asthmatic as well, so breathing is something I have never taken for granted and I don’t want to inhibit it with cigarettes. I really can’t comprehend smoking, something that is so bad for you, costs so much and makes you smell so bad. But it’s addictive, but it doesn’t hook you straight away, so you have to get used to that taste before it’s addictive. Smoking will not fix your problems, smoking will not stop the stresses in your life. Nicotine creates anxiety telling your body to have a cigarette. Life’s normal stresses and anxieties will feel the same way. And if you are or were a smoker you will use the same delivery method to fix your stress. Most of my side of the family has smoked at some point in their life, some still do. I wouldn’t date a smoker; this is something that I don’t understand. I find it an instant turn off. You could be the most beautiful woman in the world, as soon as I see a cigarette, (insert noise from family feud) bow bowww. Fine for you, but something that is not for me. I wouldn’t turn my nose down at them for being a friend. There will be no physical attraction what so ever. So girls, if you want to just be my friend and you don’t want me to jump you, light up! Drugs, well I see drugs as escaping reality. I don’t need to do that. I’m happy where I am. I’m happy with who I am and my life. I was in the dark on drugs for a long time in my life, had no idea what they smelt like, how people looked like or how they acted whilst on them. It is quite prevalent in today’s society; it’s widely accepted as well. Again I wouldn’t date a drug user either. Again something I don’t understand, and something I wouldn’t bring into my life, my home or my family.

I feel like a bit of a black sheep. I have recently questioned myself on something that I will never be able to answer. Do people act differently around me due to the fact that I don’t drink? Is it intimidating? I’ll never know the real answer. People may act differently but it’s subconscious... Meh?!

So who am I? What makes me happy? What are my passions? What are my dreams?

I’m proud of who I am. I’m proud of my family who have nurtured me into the man I am today. I am someone who strives by myself, enjoys the time where I am alone in the world. I make myself self reliant. I am determined to achieve my goals. I will always work I can work very well in a team; I will put my hand up to lead. I have a strong head, quick mind but I can be very stubborn. I know what is important in a team and what it takes to be a success. I will never claim to keep everyone happy, I will always listen, and I am open to criticism. I will put other people before me. I will try and please everyone else before me. I know sometimes I shouldn’t, but some things in life aren’t as important to me as they are to others. I enjoy making people happy, making them laugh, even at my own expense (that’s generally when I get the biggest laugh). I will keep trying. I will pull out her chair, open the car door, and buy flowers for no reason. I’ll have the second shower; I’ll sleep in the wet spot! I love my sport, playing more than watching. I love the rigours of training and the feeling the endorphins kick in after training. I love F1. Why? It’s the pinnacle of motorsport, its beauty, its noise, smell and the immense detail in every part of an F1 car. These are highly precise vehicles, they push the boundary or technical and physical (driver) limitations. I love photography, I love capturing a moment and making it last a lifetime. I’m meticulous, detail is everything to me. I cannot imagine something in my head, I’m a terrible reader, I can read the words, but I cannot picture the rolling green hills, low fog in the distance. I cannot picture a naked woman. I know most guys can, I know they put a face on a generic physique that they like. I see a naked woman and see the marks, moles, scars as a uniqueness and beauty in itself. Those small things are the details I love in life. Veins on a leaf, hairs on an ant’s leg. Even looking at your skin really closely and seeing the texture, follicles and wrinkles. These things are life’s little intricacies that I don’t take for granted. Comedy makes me happy. It can be subtle, smart humour or just a fart joke. A lot of things make me laugh. I really enjoy making people laugh. Maybe that could be my next venture in life? My young life was about sport and comedy. Monty Python, Blackadder are the two most significant influences to my humour. Later in life it has been The Simpsons, Family Guy and South Park. As much as some people knock the new comedy style that is flooding the market, they are very smart writers, bringing observational humour along with facts, they can be sometimes crass, silly and even racist. It doesn’t promote hate; it’s not even dark humour. It puts a mirror up to society and says “hey society, you’re ugly we don’t like you.” It’s like in South Park when Stan didn’t want to vote because he didn’t see a point to. Both of the candidates for the school’s new mascot were just as bad as each other. They had to choose between a ‘Giant Douche’ or a ‘Turd Sandwich.’ And they based it that every time you vote, you are always choosing between a giant douche or a turd sandwich. Hmmm just like the election we just had..... I recently asked a friend when she was sad, what five things made her happy. Her response was, family, friends, cuddles, bright flowers and surprises. That’s a pretty good answer. My response, well family and friends for sure. I love hugs, I prefer them over kisses. They are so warm and close, and there is nothing like having a good hug. But, you can have bad hugs, they can be like a condescending pat. If you don’t want to, don’t. No. 4 - Lightning storms. A lovely friend calls me storm boy, I love a good storm. I love the beauty, the colours and the power. You can smell it; you can feel it and when you can hear it, a smile comes across my face! It can be so dangerous and devastating, and understandably some people get scared by them. For me, I’ll pretty much stop everything, grab my camera and tripod and get out there. I’ve had some scary times out in storms but it’s exciting, it makes your heart beat through your chest. I get so excited to see the clouds build in the distance. What I love most is understanding how lightning comes to be. How everything lines up at that particular moment, and BANG! Lastly, laughing. I can do it on my own, I can do it in my head and I can do it with anyone. Like sex......haha nah sorry lads! Ladies only zone!

I don’t know when my next blog will be. I’m just going to let things happen, go with the flow. Try and keep my mind positive and keep it moving forward. 2 months until I leave for my big trip. Maybe I’ll write about where I am going and the cool things I’m going to do.

I think this trip will be self defining, and life changing. I felt lately that I have lost my identity somewhat. I know the core will still be the same, maybe revamped? At lunch today my mum told me to sew my oats....Wasn’t sure what she meant, but Pete was pissed that his cereal had stitching through it.